For almost the first time sense he arrived back at Lincoln Falls, Todd was sleeping in what was actually his dorm room. While normally he would be sleeping over at Becca’s, after his conversation with her, he couldn’t bring himself to do it tonight. He had been spending practically every second around her and as much as he wanted to be okay, deep down, he knew he wasn’t. And it was quickly becoming obvious to Becca that he clearly he wasn’t fine like he kept telling her he was.
He finally arrived back at his own dorm, thankful to see that his two new roommates were sleeping. He was alone. Like he thought he wanted to be, but the same thoughts that clouded his brain when he left his Mom started coming back, but with Becca now. He had spent literally every second around her since he got there, and now here he was deserting her because of a small fight. He stood at the door to his room trying to decide whether or not he should go back, but just kept trying to convince himself that other people were with her. Peyton was there. Jett was there. He didn’t have to be the only one constantly worrying about whether she was okay or not, but he still felt the responsibility that he did.
Todd stood at the door, staring for just a few more seconds before he decided against going all together. He hoped maybe just even a few hours apart would do they some good and he could go back to her tomorrow. He just needed something to distract himself. He went into the bathroom, turning on the shower and letting it run. Todd looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, not only did he look entirely exhausted but just, sad. He had lost track of how many times people had asked him if he was okay in the last few days and he didn’t know what to do but lie and say he was. It wasn’t like if he told them the truth, they’d be able to do anything anyways. They’d want to talk about it, throw a few cliche’s out about how everything was going to be all right and then go on their merry way. And he’d be stuck feeling the same way; depressed. A word he never thought would actually describe him, but as every day that passed where his Mom wasn’t there, and Becca wasn’t better the word seemed to fit him almost perfectly.
He looked at the mirror starting to fog up from the hot shower running, and glanced down at the sink seeing razor blade stick out in a weird way he’d never seen before. He reached for it, running his thumb gently across the edge of the sharp metal. He’d never thought about cutting himself before, but now here he was with a blade in hand, the thought genuinely crossing his mind. What would it solve? Nothing. But something about it seemed right. The two people he was closest two in the entire world had to suffer through an immense amount of pain, maybe by doing this he could make up for Becca not having to end up with the same fate as his Mom. He clutched the razor pressing it against his wrist until he felt an indention created and blood slowly coming out of his arm, biting his lip at the pain. He lifted the blade, dropping it down on the counter as he turned the sink on letting warm water burn his freshly punctured wrist. Nothing was solved, nothing was fixed, but for some reason, he was relieved.